Comments for GymPal

Comment on The ‘Fine Line’ Between Tough Coaching and Abuse by Karen

Karen — Sat, 08 Aug 2020 22:09:14 +0000

Great to see this researched and I’d love to add my thoughts ….
Is Tough Coaching OK ? Possibly. But what is Tough Coaching ? Please read my view on it –
Tough coaching doesn’t mean it is abusive , but I have come to realise that actually, Yes it possibly is. It is usually negative and is the Mentally abusive type. And it is that category that definitely has a fine line to it. Physical and Sexual abuse is easier to define … but hitting the mind …. Many can take it in way deeper and keep it there way longer.
I used to think of myself as a good coach. I coached at a Elite level, and on a normal day I’d call out to a group of 6 kids – ‘Straighten your legs’ ‘ pull your arms up’ ‘stand tall’ ‘jump harder’ ‘point your toes’. Does any of that sound abusive ? No, not really, but amongst this quick fire coaching, was I giving any praise? Was I telling any of the kids that their work was good? And if I continued that through the session, could any of them go home feeling great about what they’d achieved ? My gymnasts haven’t yet complained to me, but maybe they could.
I grew up believing that we could only learn to be better if we were told what was wrong. After gymnastics, I worked in the business world and hated reviews where I was told ‘yes, you’re doing good, keep it up’ !!! How was I going to get better from that?! But then I was conditioned to only accept criticism. I have however, never felt confident about anything I did, never felt really successful, never proud of my achievements, always felt a failure, 40 years after retiring from Elite gymnastics. So did I think I was bullied and abused – NO … but could it be as a result of ‘Tough negative coaching’ ? I used to think I was alone and different, but I have recently found out from talking to so many retired athletes, that …. I AM NOT ALONE!
So from ‘straighten your legs’ to ‘ you still have bent legs’ to ‘you never straighten your legs’ to ‘why do I bother, you never listen’ ‘get off the apparatus and come back when you’re ready to listen’ ‘now do it right or else …. ‘ …. It is all negative with not a positive word of encouragement and has moved into demeaning. Listening to a coach shout these comments day in day out is unlikely to make a confident, happy, creative gymnast.. just a little robot who fears and has to listen to their coach. And the language and controlling gets stronger and stronger, with more tears and injuries, until they (or their parent) can take it no longer and complains . The coach can/will defend their actions and often punish the gymnast for complaining to the parent, but to be taken seriously, the parent has to accept the repercussions and complain higher up. With the comments I’ve used – who’s going to take a complaint to a serious offences board?
I’m not complaining about the way I was coached – it was seen as the way to do it and I continued to coach as I did until I decided I didn’t like to. Then returning to Elite in recent years at a different club and seeing it is still the same, made me see that it is wrong and has to change.
The whole working model of coaching to make top Elite gymnasts, up to now, has been predominantly negative and often very toxic. If you think I’m wrong, please show me. But it is why I believe gymnasts Globally are now coming out and complaining. It has gone too far for too long and causing too much mental damage along with the physical damage.
It is time to change it to positive. Encouragement with toughness is the better US college model and where we should be heading. How many gymnasts actually reach the pinnacle of getting to the Olympics? Over the last 50 years – 48 !!!! That is one per year from all the girls that are pushed, goaded, demeaned, made to regular cry, get injured, on their path to be the best their coach can make them. Of course to succeed, you must work hard, but does it have to be a horrible journey too?
BG recognises this and all elite coaches have to take the 1 ½ hr online Positive Coaching Module as CPD. They have ticked that box. But how far have they gone to ensure that coaches take it in, understand it, utilise it ? NOWHERE, because BG has no process to do that. It is all self governing. It has always been …. How far can a coach take it !!
Coaches need to engage and take on positive coaching with positive sandwiches and 5 – 1 encouragement comments, to see a nicer, happier environment. Happier and healthier kids who also become better adults and are more likely to want to be the best they can rather than the best that the coach can push them into (if they survive!)
PLEASE Learn, change and GO POSITIVE. #timetochange #gymnastalliance
I want to help the change.

Comment on British Gymnastics Inquiry by Sarah Lowe

Sarah Lowe — Mon, 03 Aug 2020 13:05:07 +0000

Elite Grades can be taken at any age and three are required to reach the British Champtionships. These 3 grades can be taken over a number of years or indeed all in one year once over 10 years old. So gymnasts can take these at any point in their lives when they feel ready. For those who struggle with the given set moves in grades or simply want a “one hit in” option there is also a second route to the British Championships through scoring out at Challenge cup which is a yearly competition. So the routes are there, gymnasts and clubs are already using them for older gymnasts but maybe these could be advertised and encouraged more for those capable of reaching FIG levels of competition.

Comment on Margaux’s Story: A Gymnast Finally Speaks Out by Mike Shah

Mike Shah — Mon, 27 Jul 2020 18:04:47 +0000

I have sadly felt a degree of racial bias at the club. My daughter is an 8 year old and no longer wants to attend the club despite being a bright and confident gymnast. Surprise, surprise, all winners at the gym gala were white.

I am not alone as other parents from minority backgrounds feel the same. Speak up as we need to be heard and no longer be the silent voice.

Comment on A letter to Jane Allen MBE, CEO British Gymnastics by Mark Hudson

Mark Hudson — Wed, 15 Jul 2020 18:59:17 +0000

Just amazing!

Comment on A letter to Jane Allen MBE, CEO British Gymnastics by Samantha Little

Samantha Little — Wed, 15 Jul 2020 09:09:28 +0000

Thank you for this blog. It is immensely powerful.

A joint NSPCC/British Athletes Commission helpline will be established from Mon 20 Jul. All those effected, regardless of age, level, parent, gymnast etc can call for support. This will include the appropriate referral to the statutory authorities. We are very keen that we hear from as many as possible to allow concerns to be dealt with appropriately and voices heard. Further details will follow through various media channels.

Please feel free to get in touch to talk on a one to one on a confidential basis if you feel we can provide you with support.

Samantha Little
Head Of Athlete Support
British Athletes Commission
sam.little@britishathletes.org

Comment on Emotional & Physical Abuse in a BG Gym: The Complaint That Achieved…Nothing by Anonymous

Anonymous — Tue, 14 Jul 2020 08:06:02 +0000

I felt that a lot of parents didn’t believe me about the intimidation and bullying my child received. They would make comments like “well my daughter just loves it here”. One parent even went behind my back and told the head coach about a message I sent her about my frustrations with the club. They then took it out on my daughter and she had major panic attacks and become a hugely unhappy child. We left the club a few weeks later. I think a lot of parents turn a blind eye to the bullying. It may not be happening to their child, but they know dam well that it happens in the club. They have major aspirations for their children and that seems more important! Just because their child isn’t bullied it doesn’t mean that it’s not going on! I hope as parents we can all stand up for change. Unfortunately some of these clubs make up their own rules and unfortunately they have got away with this culture for way too long.

Comment on Emotional & Physical Abuse in a BG Gym: The Complaint That Achieved…Nothing by admin

admin — Fri, 10 Jul 2020 12:47:40 +0000

In reply to BGiscorrupt. The sad fact is that it is a different coach, and different gym. This is so sad because it indicates how widespread the problem is. When the abuse stories were published by the Guardian in 2017 I knew who the coach in question was but I had people contacting me from gyms all around the country saying they thought it was THEIR gym being spoken about. You are right the only course of action is to leave but as painful as the abuse is, so is leaving your friends, your sport, your life behind. It shouldn't have to be this way.

Comment on Emotional & Physical Abuse in a BG Gym: The Complaint That Achieved…Nothing by BGiscorrupt

BGiscorrupt — Fri, 10 Jul 2020 11:40:35 +0000

I do not know what gym you attended with your girls but this story sounds very familiar. In fact, you could be describing the coach from my daughter’s gym, South West region, influential coach, nationally. In my experience, the only option is to remove your child completely. An influential coach will make sure, even if you successfully are accepted to another club, that your child thereafter is disadvataged. If that coach has influence or worse knows the new gym coach, they bring all the pressure they can to ensure your chld is not encouraged or helped. Similarly, at competitions, in front of other coaches and judges, your child will be hummiliated.
Your only course was to leave. Nothing is worth the abuse. Sadly, as you point out, once a child is a elite gymnast, that means losing their friends and the majority of what has been all of their social activity

Comment on Emotional & Physical Abuse in a BG Gym: The Complaint That Achieved…Nothing by Lesley

Lesley — Thu, 09 Jul 2020 16:46:18 +0000

And of course, once they leave the coach will do everything they can to ensure sure the other gymnasts don’t see that leaving gymnast in any social capacity whatsoever. If they are found to have been in contact with them in any way they are usually punished so the leaving gymnasts knows she /he will lose all their gym friends as well which is devastating to them and to high a price for most of them to pay. They know at the next competition they will be ignored – old coach will ridicule them at every opportunity etc

Even the parents of the girls at gym mostly won’t encourage a meeting up between a gymnast who has left and their child due to the repercussions ……‘we would love to but you know what would happen with coach, you understand don’t you?’

Sad thing is we all do !! It all starts so subtly an excited 5/6 yr old who loves gymnastics, the coach identifies the talent, up go the hours of training. You question this with other parents of older gymnasts ‘surely that’s too much for a small child?’ The answer is that’s the way it is – the shelf life of a gymnast is so short they have to start them young you are told. If they want to be on squad that’s part and parcel of it … as a new parent you take this on board. Your child so excited at the thought of being in the gym so much and to be on squad like the bigger kids wow !!! What an honour they think. As a parent that’s where it starts for you , conforming – you tell yourself well if that’s what they want and that’s how it is let’s see how it goes ……

Suddenly they are in the gym more than at home .. it doesn’t feel right but you see they are loving being with their gym mates and they are so proud of the skills they are achieving, competitions they are winning so you keep going along with it ..

As time moves on they may start to tell you of things coach has done said to another gymnast in a training session. You question it but your child tells you they are fine so don’t worry. You may mention that to the other gymnasts parent if your paths cross at pick up/drop off if you know them well enough of course. Parents are actively discouraged from ‘hanging around ‘ the gym usually. 9/10 times the parent will be surprised and say that their child hadn’t said coach had done anything but they were quiet on pick up so the parent thought they were just tired …… I can guarantee when questioned later on the child will play it down. It was nothing, it was my fault it’s just gymnastics, so worried they might have to leave and quit gym. It grows and grows from there. Parents are pushed out further and further ……Some coaches ridicule parents to the gymnasts – look at so and so’s mum/dad trying to look in why don’t they go home etc. Uncomfortable for the child of that parent to say the least …… but again becomes the norm.

You start to see the gymnasts telling mum and dad ‘just drop me and go please, I will be fine’. As parent at the time you just think they are getting older and seeking a bit of independence you find out later they are terrified you are going to see something /hear something that’s has gone on and will speak to coach and they will be punished and believe me I now know that the type of coach we are talking about doesn’t need much of an excuse to punish a gymnast. I watched a coach tell the mum of a young gymnast of about 10yrs old that if mum didn’t get her child to gym on time she would punish her child with burpees every time she was late. The mum was working so could not change things. That mum took her child and left ……

We left not long after that !!! my daughter was broken hearted when I took her away despite everything.!!! We were lucky then to move to a coach that totally restored our faith before my daughter left elite gymnastics. Like many others gymnasts her heart hurts for all the things she witnessed others go through more than anything she had happen. likened to watching her sisters being punished for things they couldn’t help .. watching them being frightened, crying or throwing up through fear.

Comment on Call for an Independent Investigation into British Gymnastics by Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 09 Jul 2020 08:33:00 +0000

I would strongly encourage everyone who feels able to to write to their MP about this.
My advice would be to keep your letter brief, and stick to key facts. It can be hard not to get into a very emotional place because there are so many horrendous stories, but it’s important to try and keep it succinct. When you wrap up your letter, conclude it with a call to action like described above. That might be asking them to ask some Parliamentary questions or stating that whilst you accept that an Independent Inquiry is ongoing you feel that more needs to be done and that these incidents need to be investigated further such as through a Parliamentary Inquiry.
It’s important to know that whilst you do need to provide your personal details in your correspondence to your MP (Parliamentary protocol to prove you are a constituent of that MP) you can ask that you remain anonymous if the MP is talking about this publicly. MPs can get a lot of bad press, but they are elected to represent you and many do go into the job because they want to help people.

Finally, if you don’t get a reply from them straight away don’t be disheartened, sometimes it can take a few weeks, and Parliamentary recess is (at the moment) coming up, however do chase them if you’ve not heard anything after a while.