Comments on: Emotional & Physical Abuse in a BG Gym: The Complaint That Achieved…Nothing

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Tue, 14 Jul 2020 08:06:02 +0000

I felt that a lot of parents didn’t believe me about the intimidation and bullying my child received. They would make comments like “well my daughter just loves it here”. One parent even went behind my back and told the head coach about a message I sent her about my frustrations with the club. They then took it out on my daughter and she had major panic attacks and become a hugely unhappy child. We left the club a few weeks later. I think a lot of parents turn a blind eye to the bullying. It may not be happening to their child, but they know dam well that it happens in the club. They have major aspirations for their children and that seems more important! Just because their child isn’t bullied it doesn’t mean that it’s not going on! I hope as parents we can all stand up for change. Unfortunately some of these clubs make up their own rules and unfortunately they have got away with this culture for way too long.

By: admin

admin — Fri, 10 Jul 2020 12:47:40 +0000

In reply to BGiscorrupt. The sad fact is that it is a different coach, and different gym. This is so sad because it indicates how widespread the problem is. When the abuse stories were published by the Guardian in 2017 I knew who the coach in question was but I had people contacting me from gyms all around the country saying they thought it was THEIR gym being spoken about. You are right the only course of action is to leave but as painful as the abuse is, so is leaving your friends, your sport, your life behind. It shouldn't have to be this way.

By: BGiscorrupt

BGiscorrupt — Fri, 10 Jul 2020 11:40:35 +0000

I do not know what gym you attended with your girls but this story sounds very familiar. In fact, you could be describing the coach from my daughter’s gym, South West region, influential coach, nationally. In my experience, the only option is to remove your child completely. An influential coach will make sure, even if you successfully are accepted to another club, that your child thereafter is disadvataged. If that coach has influence or worse knows the new gym coach, they bring all the pressure they can to ensure your chld is not encouraged or helped. Similarly, at competitions, in front of other coaches and judges, your child will be hummiliated.
Your only course was to leave. Nothing is worth the abuse. Sadly, as you point out, once a child is a elite gymnast, that means losing their friends and the majority of what has been all of their social activity

By: Lesley

Lesley — Thu, 09 Jul 2020 16:46:18 +0000

And of course, once they leave the coach will do everything they can to ensure sure the other gymnasts don’t see that leaving gymnast in any social capacity whatsoever. If they are found to have been in contact with them in any way they are usually punished so the leaving gymnasts knows she /he will lose all their gym friends as well which is devastating to them and to high a price for most of them to pay. They know at the next competition they will be ignored – old coach will ridicule them at every opportunity etc

Even the parents of the girls at gym mostly won’t encourage a meeting up between a gymnast who has left and their child due to the repercussions ……‘we would love to but you know what would happen with coach, you understand don’t you?’

Sad thing is we all do !! It all starts so subtly an excited 5/6 yr old who loves gymnastics, the coach identifies the talent, up go the hours of training. You question this with other parents of older gymnasts ‘surely that’s too much for a small child?’ The answer is that’s the way it is – the shelf life of a gymnast is so short they have to start them young you are told. If they want to be on squad that’s part and parcel of it … as a new parent you take this on board. Your child so excited at the thought of being in the gym so much and to be on squad like the bigger kids wow !!! What an honour they think. As a parent that’s where it starts for you , conforming – you tell yourself well if that’s what they want and that’s how it is let’s see how it goes ……

Suddenly they are in the gym more than at home .. it doesn’t feel right but you see they are loving being with their gym mates and they are so proud of the skills they are achieving, competitions they are winning so you keep going along with it ..

As time moves on they may start to tell you of things coach has done said to another gymnast in a training session. You question it but your child tells you they are fine so don’t worry. You may mention that to the other gymnasts parent if your paths cross at pick up/drop off if you know them well enough of course. Parents are actively discouraged from ‘hanging around ‘ the gym usually. 9/10 times the parent will be surprised and say that their child hadn’t said coach had done anything but they were quiet on pick up so the parent thought they were just tired …… I can guarantee when questioned later on the child will play it down. It was nothing, it was my fault it’s just gymnastics, so worried they might have to leave and quit gym. It grows and grows from there. Parents are pushed out further and further ……Some coaches ridicule parents to the gymnasts – look at so and so’s mum/dad trying to look in why don’t they go home etc. Uncomfortable for the child of that parent to say the least …… but again becomes the norm.

You start to see the gymnasts telling mum and dad ‘just drop me and go please, I will be fine’. As parent at the time you just think they are getting older and seeking a bit of independence you find out later they are terrified you are going to see something /hear something that’s has gone on and will speak to coach and they will be punished and believe me I now know that the type of coach we are talking about doesn’t need much of an excuse to punish a gymnast. I watched a coach tell the mum of a young gymnast of about 10yrs old that if mum didn’t get her child to gym on time she would punish her child with burpees every time she was late. The mum was working so could not change things. That mum took her child and left ……

We left not long after that !!! my daughter was broken hearted when I took her away despite everything.!!! We were lucky then to move to a coach that totally restored our faith before my daughter left elite gymnastics. Like many others gymnasts her heart hurts for all the things she witnessed others go through more than anything she had happen. likened to watching her sisters being punished for things they couldn’t help .. watching them being frightened, crying or throwing up through fear.